deling with pain

Dealing With What If-s And Forgiveness


What if I was brave enough to put myself first and not let others influence my decisions? What if I was confident enough to make my wishes known and fight for what I was craving for inside? Would I make better life choices and be more proud of myself now? Would I avoid all of the humiliations and heartbreaks I suffered trough the years? Would that make me a better person or just more ignorant? Would I still be myself?

What if your insults wouldn´t reflect on my own prospective of my worth? Would I be better off without you in my life? What if I could trace back the time and erase you completely from my past? Would you erase me? What if I needed to get to know you just so I could realise what do I want from love in my life? What if I should be thanking you for being my teacher and friend?

What if one day I will be OK with never seeing you again and that scares me? What if I would tell you that I am happy now - would you be happy for me? Does it make sense to say that I miss how my life was then when we were an item and not really you?

What if all of this never happened, would I still find him? Would I be as happy as I am now and feel so lucky to have met so many new people who I call family today? Would I still be myself?

"You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that holds you down" - Toni Morrison
Darn it, this went on too long (wink). I admit, I have had a share of problems in my life and I have made a bunch of mistakes (like all of us do). But can I really be sorry for making them? Where they truly mistakes or just the natural flow of life? Some things are just meant to happen, there is no way around them. Have you ever been in a situation, where whatever you do, whichever side you choose - you are making a mistake? It is all about the prospective. You are going to question your decisions no matter what you choose to do. People are like that, we always second guess ourselves. Always. That is both great for us - so that we know what we did wrong and we learn something,- or bad - since we suffer while figuring stuff out.-

Here are a few things you should always forgive yourself for, because they were the right thing to do at that time.

1. The Way You Dealt With Pain

You may have said something you regret, you may have done something you are ashamed of. You probably humiliated yourself in front of others or yelled at someone who didn´t deserve that. Give yourself some slack, you were hurt, you weren´t thinking straight. Your mind was blurred with pain and you reacted impulsively and instinctively. You learnt something from that and now move on.

2. The Things You Changed Your Mind About

Once you may have said you wanted to be a doctor, veterinarian, an astronaut and felt so strongly about you future. Then you grew up a little and your plans changed, When you think about what you could have achieved, if only you stuck to your original plans, you feel guilty. Don´t.  It is like once you adored tomatoes and now you cannot stand to see, yet alone eat one of them.
People change, our hopes and priorities change and so do our friends, lovers and other things in life. Not all of them, off course. Some stay and some go. Think of love as a game and lovers as just players - even though they change, the game stays the same. The same goes for friendships, even your own wishes.

3. The Person Who You Unintentionally Hurt

There was a time in your life when you were selfish and maybe even ignorant of others´ emotions. Maybe you had a lot going in your life and didn´t stop to see what was happening around you. Maybe you were hurt yourself and didn´t care about anything at all at that time. Sometimes you may just be over all the drama and just want a break. Then something happens and you hurt someone. Even though a lot of time has passed since then, you still feel ashamed and guilty about that. If you said sorry and tried to make amends, you did your part. Let it go. Everyone has those kind of moments, you are not alone.

4. The Way You Treated Yourself

There were times you felt ugly, unnoticed, fat, skinny, dumb or whatever else was bothering you about yourself. As a result you treated yourself badly, you didn´t nurture your body as it deserves to be nurtured, you never stood up for you, you didn´t take chances and didn´t have any  trust in yourself. Since then you matured and realised your own worth but there is no going back. You feel guilty about all those if only´s and think about your past a lot. You can only live in the moment and look ahead. Let the past be where it is supposed to be - gone.

5. The Times You Embarrassed Yourself

The same goes for this one. Remember the bad times as true life lessons of what you are never repeating again. Be your own bad example.

6. The Things You Did Not Do

This one is kind of tough to get over, because we tend to be afraid of taking chances in the moment and then cheer our past self in retrospect. Why is that you see your potential in retrospect and not right here, right now? Funny creatures we are, aren´t we? Look ahead, i am sure you have a lot of things to excel at in your future. Be your own biggest cheerleader.

7. What You Are Not Ready For

If you are not ready for it, then it is probably not supposed to happen yet. Or ever, who knows. Believe in that! Life has a tendency to surprise us anyway and if things happen against your own will, they can turn out the be the best things that happened to you in your life. Do not swim against the stream, just deal with everything life throws at you.

8. All The Mistakes That Are Yet To Come

Future is not ours to see. Enjoy your here and now and keep your head up while looking ahead.


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