People
are very bad at expressing their feeling in the right way, including
myself. I have been thinking about this topic a lot, since there can be a
lot of drama in my life for no reason whatsoever. Especially since I am
pregnant and hormonal - but lets face it: I have always been super
sensitive about stuff. Pregnancy has nothing to do with it :) The point
is: most people are feelings-illiterate. Since all of us have different
personalities, we should learn how to express our emotions. Here are a
few of most common drama triggers in my opinion.
Blaming someone else for your feelings.
There is a huge difference in saying "I feel.." and "You make me feel.."
You express your emotions in the correct way by saying how you feel. This is the right way to go, they are your feelings and you cannot really control them. They are impulsive, in the moment and sometimes you may be overreacting, but they are as they are. You cannot help yourself.
By saying making someone else the blame for your feelings is just creating drama. Yes, they may be the reason why you are feeling this way but they are not responsible for your feelings. They provoked those feelings, but are not theirs to fix. Is that making sense? Something that triggers you, is not the thing that triggers someone else. We are all different and sometimes we don´t even realise that someone was offended by something we said - because we would not be offended by the same thing.
"You make me feel sad." - statement of blame
"I feel like your comments make me feel sad." - statement of blame
"I feel sad." - statement of feelings
There are also times when it is perfectly okay to blame someone. It is all about the circumstances and figuring out which actions you can actually blame someone for and when it is just your ego that feels hurt. If someone deceits, cheats, lies, hits or does anything bad to you or towards you, you should blame them.
You express your emotions in the correct way by saying how you feel. This is the right way to go, they are your feelings and you cannot really control them. They are impulsive, in the moment and sometimes you may be overreacting, but they are as they are. You cannot help yourself.
By saying making someone else the blame for your feelings is just creating drama. Yes, they may be the reason why you are feeling this way but they are not responsible for your feelings. They provoked those feelings, but are not theirs to fix. Is that making sense? Something that triggers you, is not the thing that triggers someone else. We are all different and sometimes we don´t even realise that someone was offended by something we said - because we would not be offended by the same thing.
"You make me feel sad." - statement of blame
"I feel like your comments make me feel sad." - statement of blame
"I feel sad." - statement of feelings
There are also times when it is perfectly okay to blame someone. It is all about the circumstances and figuring out which actions you can actually blame someone for and when it is just your ego that feels hurt. If someone deceits, cheats, lies, hits or does anything bad to you or towards you, you should blame them.
Thinking that your opinion is the correct one.
There is a huge difference in saying "I don't like something," and "Something is ugly."
You have your opinion and others have theirs. It may be the same at times, but often it is most likely different. You cannot agree with someone else 100% of the time, it is just impossible. So you tend to express your thoughts, which is perfectly fine until you are respectful. People make choices in life you will not agree with or like. Your friend may buy an outfit you don't like or a car you hate or date someone who you think is wrong for them. If they ask for your opinion you should be honest and say "I don't like this dress, it is not my style." or "I would rather drive a different car." or "He is not my type, but if you are happy, I'm happy." But you cannot say that those things are ugly. Who are you to judge what is ugly or not? This is a strong judgement about something and it is wrong. This is only your opinion and you should be aware of that.
I have had a few fights with people I am close with because of statements like these. Because they expressed their feeling in the wrong way and I felt hurt. I was told that the I am giving my baby is an ugly name. I would have been just fine, if they had said they don't like the name. But stating that it is ugly just hurt me deeply. It is something I feel strongly about and I adore my son already, so I was truly hurt. That is what got me thinking about this topic and how we make each other feel bad, just because we don't know how to communicate. I love that person and I am over this issue, I just wanted to explain what made me write this post. I realised I do the same thing at times and I am more careful now. This is all you can really do, just try and make a few small changes is your way of expressing your emotions. You may find yourself a bit more drama free. Unless you love drama, then continue as you are :)
With love and kindness,
M
You have your opinion and others have theirs. It may be the same at times, but often it is most likely different. You cannot agree with someone else 100% of the time, it is just impossible. So you tend to express your thoughts, which is perfectly fine until you are respectful. People make choices in life you will not agree with or like. Your friend may buy an outfit you don't like or a car you hate or date someone who you think is wrong for them. If they ask for your opinion you should be honest and say "I don't like this dress, it is not my style." or "I would rather drive a different car." or "He is not my type, but if you are happy, I'm happy." But you cannot say that those things are ugly. Who are you to judge what is ugly or not? This is a strong judgement about something and it is wrong. This is only your opinion and you should be aware of that.
I have had a few fights with people I am close with because of statements like these. Because they expressed their feeling in the wrong way and I felt hurt. I was told that the I am giving my baby is an ugly name. I would have been just fine, if they had said they don't like the name. But stating that it is ugly just hurt me deeply. It is something I feel strongly about and I adore my son already, so I was truly hurt. That is what got me thinking about this topic and how we make each other feel bad, just because we don't know how to communicate. I love that person and I am over this issue, I just wanted to explain what made me write this post. I realised I do the same thing at times and I am more careful now. This is all you can really do, just try and make a few small changes is your way of expressing your emotions. You may find yourself a bit more drama free. Unless you love drama, then continue as you are :)
With love and kindness,
M
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