Dealing With What If-s And Forgiveness6/29/2015
What if I was brave enough to put myself first and not let others influence my decisions? What if I was confident enough to make my wishes known and fight for what I was craving for inside? Would I make better life choices and be more proud of myself now? Would I avoid all of the humiliations and heartbreaks I suffered trough the years? Would that make me a better person or just more ignorant? Would I still be myself?
What if your insults wouldn´t reflect on my own prospective of my worth? Would I be better off without you in my life? What if I could trace back the time and erase you completely from my past? Would you erase me? What if I needed to get to know you just so I could realise what do I want from love in my life? What if I should be thanking you for being my teacher and friend?
What if one day I will be OK with never seeing you again and that scares me? What if I would tell you that I am happy now - would you be happy for me? Does it make sense to say that I miss how my life was then when we were an item and not really you?
What if all of this never happened, would I still find him? Would I be as happy as I am now and feel so lucky to have met so many new people who I call family today? Would I still be myself?
|"You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that holds you down" - Toni Morrison|
Here are a few things you should always forgive yourself for, because they were the right thing to do at that time.
1. The Way You Dealt With PainYou may have said something you regret, you may have done something you are ashamed of. You probably humiliated yourself in front of others or yelled at someone who didn´t deserve that. Give yourself some slack, you were hurt, you weren´t thinking straight. Your mind was blurred with pain and you reacted impulsively and instinctively. You learnt something from that and now move on.
2. The Things You Changed Your Mind AboutOnce you may have said you wanted to be a doctor, veterinarian, an astronaut and felt so strongly about you future. Then you grew up a little and your plans changed, When you think about what you could have achieved, if only you stuck to your original plans, you feel guilty. Don´t. It is like once you adored tomatoes and now you cannot stand to see, yet alone eat one of them.
People change, our hopes and priorities change and so do our friends, lovers and other things in life. Not all of them, off course. Some stay and some go. Think of love as a game and lovers as just players - even though they change, the game stays the same. The same goes for friendships, even your own wishes.